oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
