it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize