I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
