we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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