I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
