Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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