thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
