dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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