My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
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I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize