Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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