HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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