your thong is hanging out like whoa
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
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