What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
