I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Randomize
