i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
