i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
