I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
