I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
