So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
