i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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