Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
