the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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