i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
