We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
