it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Alive.
So much puke
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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