There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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