I will die if light touches me.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
