After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
