Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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