He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
