Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
