Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
