I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
