soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
