Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize