I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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