I think I am morally bankrupt
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
