He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
