We're facebook friends in real life
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
