Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
