i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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