TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
