there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
