Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
