After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
