Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
NoShamevember. You game?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
