Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
