Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Randomize
