All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize