The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh god it's open bar.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
