jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
