I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
