I just pynch a tree in the face
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
