new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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