literally had 100 drinks last night.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
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Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
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I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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