I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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