i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
